Julia (the_mehitabel) wrote,

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what a letdown

I'm back. And it kind of sucks.

My trip was amazing. I can't even properly convey how much fun I had. It was wonderful to see everyone after two years, and wonderful to visit so many interesting things/places. Scandinavia blew me away. Maybe I'll post pictures if I feel like it.

Anyway, I was actually ready to come back, in a way. A month is a long time to be sleeping on trains/ferries/people's floors, eating crap and wearing the same three shirts over and over again. It's really nice to sleep in my own bed, have a long bath and eat good and healthy food. Home sweet home and all that.

HOWEVER. I miss Europe. Every time I go I'm reminded of how much I want to live there, of how at home I feel. I just belong there. And it's always so hard to come back. I'm so confused. I should have moved there last September when I decided to defer. And now I have to go to grad school or give up my spot, which means no Europe for me for a least two years. But I'm still not completely convinced that this is the program for me. I JUST DON'T KNOW. France beckons...the tenant in one of my grandfather's apartments in Paris is about to be kicked out, which means discounted digs for me. And I met a boy in France when I was visiting Trisha, and he has since declared his love for me in an email. Long story. And my grandpa's getting old and might not be around in two years. And and and. What to do?

I guess I'll end up going to Halifax and giving the program a shot. I kind of have to. I know I'll regret it if I don't, and my parents will flip. And I've been looking at internship possibilities for next summer, which I have to do anyway as part of the program. I'm thinking the UNESCO library in Paris would be pretty sweet. And my dad knows someone who works at UNESCO, so. I don't know. We shall see.

I suck. I am indecisive and unfocused and generally confused. Argh.

I started work today. Blah. Things are different this year. There are new people and I don't know if I like them. And it rained all day. I'm not so sure I can face another summer there. But I guess I should give myself more time to get used to it. Most of my friends from last year are back, and I'm sure the social events will start up soon enough. And the weather'll get better. And my attitude will improve. Right..? Yessss.

Grey's Anatomy last night. Holy crap. Four months of suspense. I hate when they do that.
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